Practical Bible Counsel for Our Day

This month most Christian folks will have step up activities in their churches and homes. What about giving more thought to what God's Word, the Bible has to offer regarding our day? Besides giving us a solid basis for hope in the future, the Bible also helps us to have a happier life today. For instance, God's Word gives unsurpassed practical advice on marriage, family life, human relations, finding happiness, and many other subjects. Consider just a few examples.

Think before you speak: "There exists the one speaking thoughtlessly as with the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise ones is a healing." - Proverbs 12:18

Avoid petty jealousy: "A calm heart is the life of the fleshly organism, but jealousy is rottenness to the bones." - Proverbs 14:30

Discipline your children: "Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it." "A boy let on the loose will be causing his mother shame." - Proverbs 22:6; 29:15

Be forgiving: Jesus said: "Happy are the merciful, since they will be shown mercy." (Matthew 5:7) Wise King Solomon wrote: "Love covers over even all transgressions." (Proverbs 10:12) If someone's sin against you is so serious that you cannot simply forgive and forget, the Bible advises: "Go lay bare his fault between you and him alone." - Matthew 18:15

Avoid the love of money: "The love of money is a root of all sorts of injurious things, and by reaching out for this love some...have stabbed themselves all over with many pains." (1 Timothy 6:10) Notice that the Bible condemns "the love of money," not money itself.

A Futile Pursuit

On November 9, 1949, James Kidd, a 70-year-old copper miner, disappeared in the mountains of Arizona, U.S.A. Several years later, after he was declared legally dead, his pencil-written will was discovered, along with his investments worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. In his will Kidd stipulated that his money be used for research to find "some scientific proof of a soul of the human body which leaves at death."

Soon afterward, over 100 purported researchers and scientists applied for the funds. There were months of court hearings and thousands of claims suggesting the existence of an invisible soul. Finally, the judge awarded the money to two reputable research organizations. Well over half a century later, those researchers have yet to produce "scientific proof of a soul of the human body which leaves at death."

That was an excerpt that I had read recently. Well, my bible studies showed this to be true instead:

Ecclesiastes 9:5,6,10 For the living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all, neither do they anymore have wages, because the remembrance of them has been forgotten. Also, their love and their hate and their jealousy have already perished, and they have no portion anymore to time indefinite in anything that has to be done under the sun. All that your hand finds to do, do with your very power, for there is no work nor devising nor knowledge nor wisdom in She´ol, the place to which you are going.

Ecclesiastes 3:19, 20 For there is an eventuality as respects the sons of mankind and an eventuality as respects the beast, and they have the same eventuality. As the one dies, so the other dies; and they all have but one spirit, so that there is no superiority of the man over the beast, for everything is vanity. All are going to one place. They have all come to be from the dust, and they are all returning to the dust.

Ezekiel 18:4 Look! All the souls—to me they belong. As the soul of the father so likewise the soul of the son—to me they belong. The soul that is sinning—it itself will die.

The Bible does not teach that any part of a human survives death. Yet, it does offer an unmistakably clear hope for those who die, namely the resurrection.

Young dating-Harmful?

Many youths feel that even when they spent a lot of time with someone of the opposite sex, they do not consider it dating. They feel that they are "just friends". But whatever you call it—dating, going together, or just seeing each other—when a boy and a girl single each other out and start spending time together socially, more than friendship is usually involved. And dating does not have to be in person. Discussions in Internet chat rooms, on the telephone, through the mail, or by E-mail can also be forms of dating.

The question is, Just how serious is it to spend time almost exclusively with someone of the opposite sex?

When we spend a lot of time with a certain member of the opposite sex, naturally our feelings and emotions would be aroused. Before you realize it, you look forward to seeing that one. When you are not together, you find yourself thinking about him or her. All too often, though, the feelings are one-sided—and someone gets a broken heart. And even when the feelings are mutual, frustration and heartbreak still result when one or the other is not mature enough or old enough to get married. Really, where can such a relationship go? ? A Bible proverb says: “Can a man rake together fire into his bosom and yet his very garments not be burned?”—Proverbs 6:27.

In today’s world, dating is often a prelude to sexual relations. It may begin innocently, just by holding hands. A quick hug and a kiss on the cheek may be next. It is one thing for two young adults who have made a serious commitment to each other to make such expressions of affection. But when two people are too young to get married, such behavior does little more than needlessly inflame sexual desire. Acts of “affection” can become increasingly inappropriate or unclean. They can even lead to some form of fornication.

The fruits of fornication are bitter. Some who engage in it contract sexually transmitted diseases. Others suffer a loss of self-esteem and damage their conscience. Some young girls find themselves pregnant. No wonder that the Bible gives this command: “Flee from fornication”! (1 Corinthians 6:13, 18; 1 Thessalonians 4:3) Avoiding premature dating will help you to heed this command.

*Photo courtesy of morguefile

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Alternative Life-Styles—Does God Approve?

“WHEN will I know my sexual preference?” So wrote a 13-year-old girl to a teenage advice column. Her question echoes the attitude of many who feel that people are free to pursue any sexual life-style they choose.

Some people may genuinely struggle with confusion regarding their sexual feelings. Others openly embrace alternative life-styles such as homosexuality. Still others boldly act and dress as one of the opposite sex. Some undergo sex-change operations. There are even individuals who argue that adults should be allowed to have carnal relations with children.

Are sexual practices and gender really a matter of personal choice? What does God’s Word have to say on these issues?

“Male and Female He Created Them”

According to the Bible book of Genesis, God himself created the differences between males and females. The record states: “God proceeded to create the man in his image . . . Male and female he created them. Further, God blessed them and God said to them: ‘Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it.’—Genesis 1:27, 28.

God created humans with free will and provided opportunities for them to enjoy their freedom. (Psalm 115:16) Entrusted with the responsibility of caring for all other living things on earth, man was even allowed to choose appropriate names for them. (Genesis 2:19) However, when it came to issues of sexuality, God gave specific guidelines.—Genesis 2:24.

Because of Adam’s disobedience, we have all inherited imperfection. We must therefore battle fleshly weaknesses and strong desires that are out of harmony with God’s original purpose. Thus, in the laws given through Moses, God specified sexual practices that were abhorrent to him—namely, adultery, incest, homosexuality, and bestiality. (Leviticus 18:6-23) God also specifically forbade portraying oneself as a member of the opposite sex for immoral purposes. (Deuteronomy 22:5) The Bible consistently teaches that the only sexual relations approved by God are with a member of the opposite sex within the marriage arrangement. (Genesis 20:1-5, 14; 39:7-9; Proverbs 5:15-19; Hebrews 13:4) Are such standards reasonable?

Who Chooses?

The Bible likens man’s position before his Creator to clay in the hands of a potter. It says: “O man, who, then, really are you to be answering back to God? Shall the thing molded say to him that molded it, ‘Why did you make me this way?’” (Romans 9:20) It is obvious from the way God made men and women that it is natural for them to be sexually attracted to one another. Sexual attraction to a member of the same sex, to an animal, or to a child is therefore unnatural.—Romans 1:26, 27, 32.

For this reason, people who pursue such unnatural sexual inclinations find themselves contending with God. The Bible contains this warning: “Woe to the one that has contended with his Former, as an earthenware fragment with the other earthenware fragments of the ground! Should the clay say to its former: ‘What do you make?’” (Isaiah 45:9) Surely it is reasonable for the Maker of humans to give direction on sexual matters. Is it not also reasonable that humans should follow such direction?

Getting Possession of One’s Own Vessel

The Bible writer Paul used a similar illustration when giving guidance to Christians on sexual behavior. He said: “Each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite.” (1 Thessalonians 4:4, 5) Paul compares a person’s body to a vessel. Getting possession of that vessel means bringing one’s thoughts and desires into harmony with God’s moral laws.

Admittedly, this may not be easy. One who has experienced childhood sexual abuse, one who had parents or other caretakers who provided a distorted example of masculinity or femininity, or one who had exposure to pornography at an early age may understandably have difficulties. Genetic, hormonal, and psychological factors may also play a role in distorting sexual feelings. It is comforting to know, however, that our Creator can provide help and support to those who need it.—Psalm 33:20; Hebrews 4:16.

Allow the Great Potter to Mold You

A piece of clay has to be centered on the potter’s wheel before the potter can begin to mold and shape it. Then, as the wheel rotates, the potter skillfully applies gentle pressure with his fingers to work the clay into a desirable shape. Before we can be molded into a desirable person in God’s eyes, we need to be centered on the timeless principles and laws of God. Once we start making the effort, God lovingly applies gentle pressure through the Bible, his holy spirit, and the Christian brotherhood. A person then begins to feel and experience God’s personal care in his life.

Of course, we must develop confidence in the Creator’s wisdom, trusting that he knows what is best for us. This trust is developed through prayer and an earnest study of the Bible. A person who approaches the issue of improper sexual feelings with that frame of mind becomes moldable in the hands of the Creator. First Peter 5:6, 7 says: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time; while you throw all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you.”

Regularly reading the Bible acquaints us with a long line of faithful servants of God who contended with fleshly desires but never gave up. How encouraging these examples are! We can sense the frustration the apostle Paul felt with himself at times when he exclaimed: “Miserable man that I am! Who will rescue me from the body undergoing this death?” Yet, he also directed us to the main source of help when he answered his own question: “Thanks to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”—Romans 7:24, 25.

A Force for Change

We can also avail ourselves of God’s holy spirit. This is a powerful force for change. Holy spirit helps us to “put away the old personality” and “put on the new personality which was created according to God’s will in true righteousness and loyalty.” (Ephesians 4:22-24) Our loving heavenly Father never fails to respond when sincere requests are made for holy spirit to assist with making this change. Jesus assures us that the Father will “give holy spirit to those asking him.” (Luke 11:13) Persistence in prayer is necessary, though, as indicated by his words: “Keep on asking, and it will be given you.” (Matthew 7:7) This would be especially true when bringing powerful sexual desires under control.

God also helps us by means of the true Christian brotherhood, which is made up of people from all backgrounds. Some Christians in the first-century congregation at Corinth were previously in the category of “men kept for unnatural purposes” and “men who lie with men.” Yet, they changed. The blood of Christ cleansed them, and they became acceptable in God’s sight. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11) Some today need to make similar changes. And such ones can receive support in their fight against wrong desires from the Christian congregation.

Does this mean that becoming a Christian will automatically cure a person of all deviant desires or confusion over gender? Not necessarily. Persistent application of Bible principles has enabled some to live normal lives. Even so, these Christians often have had to wage a day-to-day struggle against wrong desires. Such ones thus serve God despite having a figurative “thorn in the flesh.” (2 Corinthians 12:7) As long as they continue to battle wrong inclinations and maintain righteous conduct, God views them as faithful servants and as clean in his eyes. They can look forward to the time in the future when all mankind “will be set free from enslavement to corruption and have the glorious freedom of the children of God.”—Romans 8:21.

In the meantime, all those who wish to please God must adhere to his righteous standards. True Christians choose to serve God—not follow their own selfish inclinations. Those who humbly submit to God’s will in all areas of life will be rewarded with eternal joy and happiness.—Psalm 128:1; John 17:3.

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How Can I Make Myself More Attractive?

“It was not easy or comfortable to keep up a conversation with girls. I had no idea of what they were thinking, how they felt, or how they looked at things.”—Tyler.

WHAT qualities do girls like best in boys? “Confidence,” says a teenager named Emily. Robyn, another teen, puts being funny at the top of her list. And what do boys most value in girls? Not surprisingly, one survey showed that good looks topped their list. Similar interests and values were listed sixth.

Articles and surveys that discuss boy/girl relationships are popular fare in youth-oriented magazines. Clearly, many young people think a lot about—or perhaps even worry about—how the opposite sex views them. Maybe you even worry about that yourself sometimes. Not that you’re ready to get married anytime soon. It’s just that no one wants to be unattractive or undesirable! Tyler observes: “When you’re a teenager, you want to be attractive to everyone. You want to be acceptable to your peers, male and female.” Also, you may feel that someday you want to find a good marriage mate. When that time comes, naturally you will want to be able to attract such a person.

However, as a Christian youth, you may not have had a lot of experience in dealing with the opposite sex. Add to that the pressure you may feel from your peers to be physically attractive. With the parade of supermodels and muscle-bound actors you see on TV and in magazines, it’s no wonder that you may feel insecure and inadequate! What, then, does it take to be appealing to others—including those of the opposite sex—in a healthy, positive way?

The Folly of Hoping for the “Perfect” Body

Clinical psychologist William S. Pollack observes that under the influence of the entertainment industry, many young people “are spending countless hours dieting, pumping iron, and doing aerobic exercise, all in an effort to transform the size and shape of their bodies.” Some are even going to dangerous extremes, such as virtually starving themselves, in order to achieve that “perfect” body. Yet, says the Social Issues Research Centre: “The current media ideal for women is achievable by less than 5% of the female population—and that’s just in terms of weight and size. If you want the ideal shape, face etc., it’s probably more like 1%.”

The Bible’s advice at Romans 12:2 is thus practical: “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould.” (Phillips) This doesn’t mean, though, that you should be oblivious to how you look. It only makes sense to take care of your body through moderate exercise and a balanced diet. (Romans 12:1; 1 Timothy 4:8) Proper rest and sleep can also help you to look and feel your best. At the same time, give attention to your hygiene and personal grooming. A British youth named David observes: “There is a girl who is quite attractive, but she has an odor problem. People avoid her because of this.” So bathe often. Clean hands, hair, and fingernails can enhance your appearance. Reasonable attention to your appearance can boost your self-confidence. A youth named Paul puts it this way: “You might not have the greatest looks, but you can work with what you’ve got.”

Inner Qualities

While a pleasant face and physique may attract attention, in the long run “beauty is a bubble.” (Proverbs 31:30, Byington) Good looks tend to be short-lived, and they are certainly no substitute for attractive personal qualities. (Proverbs 11:22) Remember, too, that “mere man sees what appears to the eyes; but as for Jehovah, he sees what the heart is.” (1 Samuel 16:7) So instead of focusing all your attention on your waistline or your biceps, work on adorning yourself with “the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God.” (1 Peter 3:3, 4; Ephesians 4:24) True, in today’s world many youths may have little regard for admirable personality traits—much less for spiritual qualities. But those who have godly values do appreciate them and find them attractive!

Jesus did say: “You must love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 19:19) If you have positive feelings about yourself, you will be less likely to be clumsy and awkward around others. However, while it is necessary to have some measure of self-respect, don’t go to an extreme. “I tell everyone there among you,” said the apostle Paul, “not to think more of himself than it is necessary to think.”—Romans 12:3.

Take a hard look, too, at your manners and social skills. A British girl named Lydia observes: “There is a boy in my school who is quite popular with a lot of girls. But after they get to know him, they don’t like him because he is rude and tactless.” People are attracted to someone who uses kind, tactful speech and who shows consideration for others. (Ephesians 4:29, 32; 5:3, 4) “A welcoming set of manners is like a passport, allowing freedom and access to people,” observes Dr. T. Berry Brazelton. Manners “are essential to gaining the acceptance of others.”

Customs and rules of etiquette vary around the world. So you may want to observe how mature Christian men and women treat one another. For example, is it customary in your country for a man to hold a door open for a woman? Then learning to extend this courtesy will enhance your reputation as a poised, mannerly person.

Finally, you may find it helpful to cultivate a balanced sense of humor. The Bible says that there is “a time to laugh,” and a person who has a sense of humor often makes friends easily.—Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4.

Friendly Versus Flirtatious

One self-proclaimed “guide to dating success” advised that the secret to attracting the opposite sex is to flirt. Readers were told to practice smiling and making eye contact and to perfect ‘opening lines.’ Such advice goes contrary to the spirit of Paul’s counsel to Timothy to treat members of the opposite sex “with all chasteness.”—1 Timothy 5:2.

Although flirting may build one’s own ego, it is insincere and dishonest. You don’t have to flirt or be coy to carry on an interesting conversation. Nor do you have to ask embarrassing or inappropriate questions to learn how the opposite sex feels and thinks. Stick to talking about things that are ‘righteous, chaste, and lovable,’ and you will show that you are well on the way to developing into a mature, spiritually-minded man or woman. (Philippians 4:8) Your obedience to godly principles will make you attractive not only to the opposite sex but to God himself.—Proverbs 1:7-9.

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How Can I Carry On a Long-Distance Courtship?

THE world has become a smaller place. In recent decades the development of low-cost air travel, a globally linked telephone network, speedy mail delivery, and the Internet has opened up new possibilities in the realm of romance. And in many ways the idea of carrying on a long-distance courtship across hundreds or even thousands of miles might seem appealing—especially if marital prospects at home seem limited.

For some couples, long-distance courtship has proved to be a blessing. “We’ve been happily married for 16 years,” says Tony. Some may even argue that long-distance courtship has the advantage of allowing couples to get to know each other without the blinding power of physical attraction. Whatever its advantages, though, a long-distance romance presents some unique challenges.

Getting to Know Each Other

It is best to know as much as you can about someone you are thinking of marrying. However, as a husband named Frank says from personal experience, “it is not easy to get to know the real person, ‘the secret person of the heart.’” (1 Peter 3:4) Doug, another Christian who dated long-distance, admits: “Looking back, I realize that we didn’t know each other very well.”

Is it really possible to get to know someone who lives hundreds or thousands of miles away? Yes, but it can take extraordinary effort. “We had no money for phone calls, so we wrote letters once a week,” says Doug. Joanne and Frank, however, found letter writing to be inadequate. “We wrote letters at first and tried the phone,” says Joanne. “Then Frank sent me a small tape recorder. We would record a new tape each week.”

Honesty, the Only Way

Whatever form of communication you use, it’s important to be honest. “If you lie, it will come out afterward and affect the relationship,” observes a Christian wife named Ester. “Be honest with each other. Be honest with yourself. If there’s something you don’t agree on, don’t let it go. Discuss it.” The apostle Paul gives good advice: “Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor.”—Ephesians 4:25; compare Hebrews 13:18.

What are some issues that you should be sure to discuss? All courting couples need to discuss such subjects as goals, children, financial matters, and health. However, there are matters that may require particular attention. For example, one—or both—of you will have to move if you marry. Are you willing and able to do so, mentally and emotionally? How do you know? Have you moved before or been away from your family for extended periods? Joanne’s future husband wanted both of them to serve as volunteer workers at the headquarters of the Watch Tower Society, the publishers of this magazine. “He asked me if I could live in a small room, with little money,” recalls Joanne. “We had to talk it out.”

If the courtship involves someone from another land, are you willing to adapt to another culture? “Do you already enjoy each other’s culture on a day-to-day basis?” Frank asks. “Talk about these big issues early in your relationship. The sooner you find out, the better—before you have too much invested emotionally or financially.” Yes, living day by day in another culture is different from being a tourist for a few days. Will you need to learn another language? Will you be able to adjust to big differences in living conditions? On the other hand, could it be that you are enthralled with the culture and perhaps not so much with the person? Such fascination will likely wear off in time. But marriage yokes two people together permanently.—Matthew 19:6.

Tony explains: “A girl I know from another part of the world married someone from the Caribbean. But she found island life difficult. It was always hot, and she got sick. The food was different, and she missed her family. So they tried living in her home country. But he felt that the life-style there was too materialistic, and he missed the closeness he used to enjoy among family and neighbors. Now they are separated; he is living in his homeland, and she in hers. Their two children miss having the love and attention of both parents.”

Marrying a person who is from a long distance away, perhaps another culture, presents other challenges. Are you prepared for the added expense of travel and communication? Lydia recalls: “Phil used to joke that we had to get married because his phone bills were so high, but now we have to pay for my phone calls to my mother!” What if children come along? Some grow up knowing little about their own relatives, unable even to talk to them on the phone because of language differences! This is not to say that such problems are insurmountable. But one should calculate the expense of entering into such a marriage.—Compare Luke 14:28.

What Is He (or She) Really Like?

How can you tell if your friend is really being open and candid? “Every good tree produces fine fruit,” states Matthew 7:17. So what are his works? Do his actions back up what he says? Does his past support his professed goals for the future? “The first things we found out about each other were our spiritual goals,” explains Ester. “He had been serving as a full-time evangelizer for eight years, and that gave me confidence that he was truthful about wanting to continue.”

But suppose the person you are courting seems evasive. Don’t drop the matter and just hope for the best. Probe deeper! Ask WHY? A proverb says: “Counsel in the heart of a man is as deep waters, but the man of discernment is one that will draw it up.” (Proverbs 20:5) “Anyone inexperienced puts faith in every word, but the shrewd one considers his steps,” warns another proverb.—Proverbs 14:15.

Face-to-Face

Still, you can learn only so much about a person by letter or phone. Interestingly, the apostle John wrote a number of letters to his Christian brothers. While these letters did much to strengthen the bond of affection between them, John said: “Although I have many things to write you, I do not desire to do so with paper and ink, but I am hoping to come to you and to speak with you face to face.” (2 John 12) Similarly, nothing beats spending time with someone in person. It might even be practical for one of you to make a temporary move so that you can be closer to each other. This will also allow the one who moves to experience the climate and living conditions of what might become his or her new home.

How can you make the most of your time together? Do things that reveal each other’s qualities. Study God’s Word together. Observe each other participating at congregation meetings and in the ministry. Do regular household chores together, such as cleaning and shopping. Seeing how the other person behaves under the stress of a busy schedule can be very enlightening.

Time should also be spent with potential in-laws. Seek to build a good relationship with them. After all, if you two marry, they will become your family. Do you know them? Do you get along? Joanne advises: “If at all possible, it is good for both families to meet.” Tony further observes: “The way your friend treats his or her own family is the way he or she will treat you.”

Whether courting face-to-face or by phone and letter, avoid being hasty in your decisions. (Proverbs 21:5) If it becomes apparent that a marriage between the two of you simply would not work, then it would be the course of wisdom to discuss breaking off the courtship. (Proverbs 22:3) On the other hand, it may simply be that more time is needed for open, honest communication.

Long-distance courtship can be difficult, but it can also be rewarding. In any event, it is serious business. Take your time. Get to know each other. Then, if you do decide to marry, your courtship will be a time you treasure, not regret.


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Should I Get a Tattoo?

"Some tattoos are cute. They are very artistic."—Jalene.*

"I dreamed about my first tattoo for two years."—Michelle.

TATTOOS are everywhere—or so it seems. Rock stars, sports figures, fashion models, and movie stars flaunt them. Many teenagers have followed suit, proudly displaying tattoos on their shoulders, hands, waists, and ankles. Andrew contends: "Tattoos are cool. Having one or not is a personal choice."

Says the World Book Encyclopedia: "Tattooing is the practice of making permanent designs on the body. It is done by pricking small holes in the skin with a sharpened stick, bone, or needle that has been dipped in pigments with natural colors."

Although exact statistics are hard to come by, one source estimates that 25 percent of all 15- to 25-year-olds in the United States have a tattoo. Sandy says: "It's the popular thing to do." Why are tattoos so appealing to some youths?

Why So Popular?

Tattoos are often associated with rebellious life-styles

For some, a tattoo is a way of making a grand romantic gesture. Michelle relates: "On his ankle my brother has the name of a girl he used to go out with." The problem? "He's not dating her anymore." According to Teen magazine, "doctors estimate that more than 30 percent of all tattoo removal is done on teen girls who want the name of an ex-boyfriend taken off."

Some youths view tattoos as works of art. Others see them as symbols of independence. "I'm in charge of my life," proclaimed Josie, adding that getting a tattoo was "the only life decision I've ever made." Tattooing allows some youths to experiment—to feel they have control over their appearance. Tattoos can also serve as a symbol of rebellion or of alternative life-styles. Some tattoos thus contain obscene words and drawings or provocative slogans.

The majority of youths, however, may simply have become caught up in a fad. But just because it seems as if everyone is getting tattooed, does it mean that you should?

The Ancient Art of Tattooing

Tattooing is by no means a modern practice. Tattoo-bearing Egyptian and Libyan mummies have been found that date back hundreds of years before the time of Christ. Tattooed mummies have also been found in South America. Many of the tattooed images were directly related to the worship of pagan gods. According to researcher Steve Gilbert, "the earliest known tattoo that is a picture of something, rather than an abstract pattern, represents the god Bes. In Egyptian mythology Bes is the lascivious god of revelry."

Significantly, the Mosaic Law forbade God's people to tattoo themselves. Said Leviticus 19:28: "You must not make cuts in your flesh for a deceased soul, and you must not put tattoo marking upon yourselves. I am Jehovah." Pagan worshipers, such as the Egyptians, tattooed the names or symbols of their deities on their breast or arms. By complying with Jehovah's ban on tattoo markings, the Israelites would stand out as different from other nations.—Deuteronomy 14:1, 2.

While Christians today are not under the Law of Moses, the prohibition it laid on tattooing is sobering. (Ephesians 2:15; Colossians 2:14, 15) If you are a Christian, you would certainly not want to make markings on your body—even temporarily—that smack of paganism or false worship.—2 Corinthians 6:15-18.

Health Risks

Think before you ink

There are also health concerns you should consider. Dr. Robert Tomsick, an associate professor of dermatology, comments: "What you're doing is breaking the skin and introducing pigmented material into the area. Even though the needle only goes in a little way, anytime you break the skin, you have a risk of bacterial or viral infection. I think [getting a tattoo] is generally a risky thing to do." Dr. Tomsick continues: "Once pigment is in, even if there's no infection, there's always the chance of contact allergies, dermatitis and allergic reactions that can cause skin to get red, swollen, crusty and itchy."

Despite the intended permanence of tattoos, various methods are used in attempts to remove them: Laser removal (burning the tattoo away), surgical removal (cutting the tattoo away), dermabrasion (sanding the skin with a wire brush to remove the epidermis and dermis), salabrasion (using a salt solution to soak the tattooed skin), and scarification (removing the tattoo with an acid solution and creating a scar in its place). These methods are expensive and can be painful. "It's more painful to have a tattoo removed by laser than to get the original tattoo," says Teen magazine.

What Will Others Think?

You should also give serious thought to how others might feel about your wearing a tattoo, as many react negatively. (1 Corinthians 10:29-33) On a whim, Li, a woman in Taiwan, got a tattoo at age 16. Now she is a 21-year-old office worker. "It bothers me the way my co-workers stare at the tattoo," Li admits. British mental-health worker Theodore Dalrymple says that to many people, tattoos "are often the visible sign that a man . . . belongs to a violent, brutal, antisocial, and criminalized subculture."

An article in American Demographics magazine similarly observed: "It is clear that most Americans consider it risky to have visible body art. Eighty-five percent [of youths] agree with the statement, 'people who have visible tattoos . . . should realize that this form of self-expression is likely to create obstacles in their career or personal relationships.'"

Consider also whether choosing to get a tattoo would enhance or undermine your claim of being a Christian. Could it be a "cause for stumbling" others? (2 Corinthians 6:3) True, some youths have had their tattoos placed on hidden areas of the body. Even their parents may not know about these secret tattoos. But beware! An emergency trip to the doctor or simply taking a shower at school could make your secret common knowledge! Better it is to "conduct ourselves honestly in all things," avoiding foolish deception.—Hebrews 13:18.

Like all fads, tattoos may lose their appeal over time. Really, is there any garment—whether a pair of jeans, a shirt, a dress, or a pair of shoes—that you love so much that you would commit to wearing it for the rest of your life? Of course not! Styles, cuts, and colors change. Unlike a piece of clothing, however, tattoos are hard to shed. Besides, what is "cool" to you when you are 16 might not be very appealing when you are 30.

Many have come to regret making permanent alterations to their appearance. "I got a tattoo before learning about Jehovah," relates Amy. "I try to keep it covered. When others in the congregation happen to see it, I feel embarrassed." The message? Think before you ink. Don't make a decision that you may regret later.

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* Some of the names have been changed.

Bipolar Disorder - Consistently Inconsistent

Clinical depression is indeed challenging. But when mania is added to the equation, the result is called bipolar disorder.^% "The only consistent thing about bipolar disorder is that it is inconsistent," says a sufferer named Lucia. During mania, notes The Harvard Mental Health Letter, bipolar patients "can be unbearably intrusive and domineering, and their reckless and restless euphoria may suddenly change into irritability or rage."

Lenore recalls her experience with the exhilaration of mania. "I was absolutely brimming over with energy," she says. "Many called me a superwoman. People would say, 'I wish I could be more like you.' I often felt a great sense of power, as though I could accomplish anything. I exercised furiously. I functioned on very little sleep—two or three hours a night. Yet, I woke up with that same high energy level."

In time, however, a dark cloud began to hover over Lenore. "At the height of my euphoria," she says, "I would feel an agitation from somewhere deep inside, a motor running that could not be shut off. In a flash, my agreeable mood would become aggressive and destructive. I would verbally pounce on a family member for no apparent reason. I was furious, hateful, and completely out of control. After this frightening display, I would suddenly become exhausted, tearful, and extremely depressed. I felt worthless and wicked. On the other hand, I might switch back to my amazingly cheerful self, as if nothing had ever happened."

“Stability is a place that bipolar people visit. None of us actually live there.”—GLORIA

The erratic behavior of bipolar disorder is a source of confusion to family members. Mary, whose husband suffers from bipolar disorder, states: "It can be confusing to see my husband happy and talkative and then suddenly become despondent and withdrawn. It's a real struggle for us to accept the fact that he has little control over this."

Ironically, bipolar disorder is often just as distressful—if not more so—to the sufferer. "I envy people who have balance and stability in their lives," says a bipolar patient named Gloria. "Stability is a place that bipolar people visit. None of us actually live there."

What causes bipolar disorder? There is a genetic component—one that is stronger than that of depression. "According to some scientific studies," says the American Medical Association, "immediate family members—parents, siblings, or children—of people with bipolar depression are 8 to 18 times more likely than the close relatives of healthy people to develop the illness. In addition, having a close family member with bipolar depression may make you more vulnerable to major depression."

In contrast with depression, bipolar disorder seems to afflict men and women equally. Most often, it begins in young adulthood, but cases of bipolar disorder have been diagnosed in teenagers and even children. Nevertheless, analyzing the symptoms and arriving at the proper conclusion can be highly challenging even for a medical expert. "Bipolar disorder is the chameleon of psychiatric disorders, changing its symptom presentation from one patient to the next, and from one episode to the next even in the same patient," writes Dr. Francis Mark Mondimore of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. "It is a phantom that can sneak up on its victim cloaked in the darkness of melancholy but then disappear for years at a time—only to return in the resplendent but fiery robes of mania."

Clearly, mood disorders are difficult to diagnose and can be even more difficult to live with. But there is hope for sufferers.

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Depression

MOOD disorders are alarmingly common. It is estimated, for example, that more than 330 million people worldwide suffer from serious depression, a condition characterized by overwhelming sadness and a loss of pleasure in everyday activities. It has been estimated that in 20 years, depression will be outranked only by cardiovascular disease. Little wonder that it has been called "the common cold of mental illness."

In recent years bipolar disorder has received greater public attention. Traits of this illness include severe mood swings that vacillate between depression and mania. "During the depressed phase," says a recent book published by the American Medical Association, "you may be haunted by thoughts of suicide. During the manic phase of your illness, your good judgment may evaporate and you may not be able to see the harm of your actions."

Bipolar disorder may affect 2 percent of the population in the United States, meaning that there are millions of sufferers in that country alone. Sheer numbers, though, cannot describe the tormenting experience of living with a mood disorder.

Depression—Overwhelming Sadness

Most of us know what it is like to experience a wave of sadness. In time—perhaps in just a matter of hours or days—the feeling subsides. Clinical depression, however, is far more serious. In what way? "Those of us who are not depressed know that the rides our emotions take us on eventually end," explains Dr. Mitch Golant, "but the depressed individual experiences the ups and downs, twists and turns of his feelings as if on a runaway train without a clear sense of how or when—or even if—he can ever get off."

Clinical depression can take many forms. Some people, for example, have what is called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which manifests itself during a particular time of year—usually winter. "People with SAD report that their depressions worsen the farther north they live and the more overcast the weather," says a book published by the People's Medical Society. "While SAD has been linked mainly to dark winter days, in some cases it's been associated with dark indoor work spaces, unseasonable cloudy spells and vision difficulties."

What causes clinical depression? The answer is not clear. While in some cases there seems to be a genetic link, in most instances life experiences appear to play an important role. It has also been noted that it is diagnosed in twice as many women as men.* But this does not mean that men are unaffected. On the contrary, it is estimated that between 5 and 12 percent of men will become clinically depressed at some point in life.

When this type of depression strikes, it is all-pervasive and affects virtually every aspect of one's life. It "shakes you to the core," says a sufferer named Sheila, "corroding your confidence, self-esteem, your ability to think straight and make decisions, and then when it reaches deep enough, it gives a few hard squeezes just to see if you can hold on."

There are times when a sufferer can gain much relief by talking out his or her feelings with an empathetic listener. (Job 10:1) Even so, it must be acknowledged that when biochemical factors are involved, depression cannot simply be willed away with a positive outlook. Really, in such a case, the dark moods of this illness are beyond the sufferer's control. Furthermore, the sufferer may be as baffled by the condition as family members and friends are.

Consider Paula,^# a Christian who endured crippling episodes of intense sadness before her depression was diagnosed. "Sometimes after Christian meetings," she says, "I would rush out to my car and weep, for no reason at all. I just had this overwhelming sense of loneliness and pain. Although all the evidence showed that I had many friends who cared for me, I was blind to it."

Something similar happened to Ellen, whose depression required that she be hospitalized. "I have two sons, two lovely daughters-in-law, and a husband—all of whom I know love me very much," she says. Logic, it seems, would tell Ellen that life is good and that she is precious to her family. But on the battlefield of depression, dark thoughts—no matter how irrational—can overwhelm the sufferer.

Not to be overlooked is the significant impact that one person's depression can have on the rest of the family. "When someone you love is depressed," writes Dr. Golant, "you may live with a chronic sense of uncertainty, never really knowing when your loved one will recover from a depressive episode or fall into a new one. You can feel profound loss—even grief and anger—that life has deviated, maybe permanently, from the norm."

Often, children can detect a parent's depression. "A depressed mother's child becomes highly attuned to his mother's emotional states, carefully observing every nuance and change," writes Dr. Golant. Dr. Carol Watkins notes that children of a depressed parent are "more likely to have behavioral problems, learning difficulties, and peer problems. They are more likely to become depressed themselves."

Symptoms of Major Depression

• A depressed mood, most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks
• Loss of interest in once pleasurable activities
• Significant weight loss or gain
• Excessive sleep or the opposite, insomnia
• An abnormal speeding or slowing of motor skills
• Excessive fatigue, with no discernible cause
• Feelings of worthlessness and/or inappropriate guilt
• Diminished ability to concentrate
• Recurring thoughts of ending it all

Some of these symptoms may also indicate dysthymia—a mild but more chronic form of depression

* This list is presented to serve as an overview and not to provide a basis for making a self-diagnosis. Also, some of the symptoms by themselves may be symptoms of other problems besides depression.

Can Internet Dating Really Be Dangerous?

• “On the Internet, you may not actually know who the other person is.”—Dan, 17.*
• “People can lie on the Internet. It’s easy to put on a front.”—George, 26.

INTERNET dating continues to grow in popularity worldwide. As the preceding article in this series discussed, Internet romances may blossom quickly, but they often wither when reality sets in.^# Still, there is a greater cause for concern than mere disappointment. Dating in this fashion may put you in serious danger—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual.

How can something that looks so innocent and safe—a computer terminal right in your own home—actually present a danger to you? Some of the dangers are related to an important Bible principle. The apostle Paul wrote: “We wish to conduct ourselves honestly in all things.” (Hebrews 13:18) Now, this is not to suggest that it is dishonest to use the Internet or even that using the Internet will make you dishonest. However, we must recognize that other people often are not honest and that as the quotations at the outset of this article illustrate, the Internet seems to make certain kinds of dishonesty easier to practice and harder to detect. And when it comes to romantic attachments, dishonesty presents terrible dangers.

For example, note the kind of dishonesty described in this Bible verse: “I have not sat with men of untruth; and with those who hide what they are I do not come in.” (Psalm 26:4) What is meant by “those who hide what they are”? Some Bible translations here read “hypocrites.” As one reference work notes, this expression can be applied to “those who hide their purposes or designs from others, or who conceal their real character and intentions.” How is such dishonesty practiced on the Internet? And what dangers does this present to those who are looking for romance?

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing

A father named Michael was alarmed to learn at a seminar that a large proportion of children disobey parental rules against visiting dangerous Web sites. “What troubled me even more,” he says, “was the shocking realization that pedophiles can use the Internet to lure minors into debased sexual activities.” When youths use the Internet to meet new people, they can be in far more danger than they realize.

Indeed, there have been news reports of adult sexual predators who pretend to be youths as they prowl the Internet seeking to prey on young ones. According to one study, “one-in-five kids who uses the Internet has been solicited for sex.” One newspaper also stated that 1 child in 33 between ages 10 and 17 were “aggressively stalked” through computer conversations.

Some young people have found, to their surprise, that the “youth” with whom they shared a budding romance over the Internet was actually an adult prison inmate. Other young ones have unwittingly become involved with sexual predators. These vile people first “groom” a prospective victim, building trust through friendly on-line chat. In time, though, they seek to meet in person in order to carry out their perverted desires. Tragically, young people have been beaten, raped, and even murdered as a result.

Wicked people do, indeed, “hide what they are” in order to find victims on the Internet. Such predators might remind you of Jesus’ illustration about false prophets who “come to you in sheep’s covering” but in truth are like “ravenous wolves.” (Matthew 7:15) Anonymous communication through the Internet can make it almost impossible to see through such deception. “When you talk with someone in person,” says George, quoted earlier, “you may learn something from his facial expressions and the tone of his voice. But on the Internet you don’t get any of that. It’s easy to be fooled.”

Wise, indeed, is the Bible’s advice: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty.” (Proverbs 22:3) Granted, not everyone you meet over the Internet is a dangerous predator. However, there are additional ways in which people “hide what they are.”

The Dangers of Deception and Secrecy

Not surprisingly, a common practice among those seeking romance on the Internet is to exaggerate or invent good traits and to minimize or conceal serious faults. Further, The Washington Post quoted an author as saying: “Internet dating can be bad because people get deceived.” It adds: “People often switch sexes. . . . Income levels, . . . race, criminal records, mental health histories and marital status often remain secret long into relationships.” To warn others, many people have reported painful experiences of being misled by Internet dates.

Will people lie about something as important as their own spiritual side? Sadly, yes—some claim to be true Christians when they are not. Why all the deception? Again, one factor is that the Internet makes it easy. A young man from Ireland named Sean admits: “It’s very easy to pretend to be something you’re not when you’re typing onto a computer screen.”

Many people take all this deception lightly, rationalizing that it is only natural to lie a little bit when embarking on a romance. Remember, though, that God hates lying. (Proverbs 6:16-19) And for good reason. Much of the pain and misery in this world stems from lying. (John 8:44) Dishonesty is the worst possible basis for any relationship, especially one that is intended to lead to a lifelong union. Worse, dishonesty is a spiritual danger; it damages the liar’s relationship with Jehovah God.

Sadly, some young people have fallen into another sort of dishonesty. They have pursued relationships using the Internet and have hidden the fact from their parents. For example, the parents of a teenage son were startled one day when a young woman who did not share the family’s Christian beliefs arrived unexpectedly at their home after traveling over 1,000 miles [1,500 km]. Their son had been dating her on-line for six months, but they knew nothing about her existence until that moment!

“How could this happen?” the parents asked. They thought, ‘Our son could not possibly have fallen for someone whom he had never met in person.’ In fact, their son had been deceiving them—in effect, hiding what he really was. Would you not agree that such deceptions are a poor foundation for a courtship?

Choosing the Real Over the Virtual

Internet dating may present other dangers. In some cases, an on-line friend can become more real than the people whom you see each day. Family, friends, and responsibilities become secondary. A young woman named Monika, in Austria, says: “I started to neglect important relationships because I spent much time on the computer with people I met on-line.” Troubled by this insight, she decided to quit using the Internet that way.

When it comes to courtship, there is no substitute for meeting face-to-face

Of course, many are able to make balanced use of the Internet. Communication by E-mail can be a very helpful way to stay in touch with friends and loved ones. Surely you would agree, though, that nothing is quite the same as face-to-face contact. If you are “past the bloom of youth”—the time when sexual desires are at their peak—and are interested in marriage, you are facing one of the most important choices you will make in your life. (1 Corinthians 7:36) By all means, make a responsible decision.

The Bible advises: “Anyone inexperienced puts faith in every word, but the shrewd one considers his steps.” (Proverbs 14:15) Rather than believing all that is written to you by someone you have never met, consider your steps carefully. It is far wiser to initiate meeting and making friends in person. Find out if you are truly compatible, especially when it comes to your spiritual goals and values. Such a courtship can lead to a truly happy marriage.